The DoH has finally seen the light, an exclusive FOI response was recieved today:
We are terribly sorry to have been hiding our corrupt and odious policies from you for so many years.
We have now decided to do an about turn and our new policy will be as follows.
1. The privatisation of NHS services will stop as it is a waste of money.
2. Money will go towards front line care and not numerous quangos/centrally funded initiatives.
3. The internal market will be scrapped as it is ideological tripe.
4. MTAS will be scrapped for good.
5. MMC will be abandoned and a return to a proper consultant led service with decent training will result.
6. The empowerment of dangerous quacks will cease as the danger to patients is immense.
7. Patricia Hewitt will be replaced as Secretary of State for Health by Barry Monk.
8. The CMO has resigned and will be replaced by Garth Marenghi due to his excellent record at Dark Place hospital.
9. Dr Crippen has been appointed president of the country, following a few new laws that have been rushed through bypassing parliament thanks to the regulatory reform act, and will act as a de facto dictator.
10. Tony Blair will be transported to Libya for polite questioning. Sir Liam shall be sent for a more physical work out near Cuba.
11. Dr Rant is to be employed as chief special adviser to our new dictator Dr Crippen.
12. We have sent you a large chocolate Easter egg by way of an apology
13. Last but not least, Patricia Hewitt will be used as a permanent test subject for the very latest experimental colorectal surgery, unforunately no anaesthetics can be used due to the large amount of hot gas already contained in her dishonest body.
I do hope this is sufficent,
the efficent, polite and ever helpful DoH"
I am lost for words.
This may be my last post on the ferret fancier, I may be found at http://www.doh.gov.uk/garth from now on, and do not expect me to stay true to my earlier selfless attitudes as regards the NHS. I reserve the right to become a power seeking megalomaniac in order to better my own financial situation, and I cannot wait to produce my first shiny pdf. So long.