The 'Dean review' of medical training

I have commissioned myself to review UK postgraduate medical training.  The pre-review steps are complete, I am indeed a fit and proper person, I have 5 GCSEs, I have no conflicts of interest that I am aware of, plus I am genuinely independent of government.  Frankly who could compete with that?  The terms of reference have been decided by myself, these being to 'review medical training in any way that I see fit', excellent, now let us begin.

The first step of the review is complete, this being the evidence review.  I conducted a systematic review using the latest 2015 PRISMA guidelines.  The search terms were 'UK medical training'.  I excluded all studies that did not exactly predict how future patients would need to be treated, hence this search yielded zero studies.  I have therefore concluded that there is an inadequate evidence base upon which to determine any exact strategies for medical training reform.  This means that I shall be 'first, doing significant harm' by ensuring that my plans will be major structural reforms that will tear up everything we have in place and start from a lovely blank slate.

Now for the second step, the consultation process.  This is now complete, I have tweeted for input and there were zero responses.  I have asked the cat, who did not respond with words, I have also asked my wife who is currently watching Eastenders and not interested.  Therefore my own personal opinion shall drive the review's direction, excellent work.

Now for the final 'Dean report', this is now complete.  I have deliberately kept things simple, firstly the principle of the review is 'to create a world class training system which catalyses commissioning based patient safety augmentation collaborative excellence brilliant wonderfulness'.  There is no way anyone could disagree with that principle, but perhaps I need to mention pathways and flows?  There's no time for consideration or reflection, let's stick with that simple principle.

Finally the recommendations, these have yet to be decided and really are they that important?  Surely like in MMC and the Shape of Training it is accepting the principles that is key?  If one can accept the noble principles then surely any recommendations following will be good news for everyone, by everyone I mean myself that is.  Anyway I think that's sensible, let's leave out the recommendations, I'll simply decide those behind closed doors once you have accepted the principles.   You can trust me on this, look at the review's methodology thus far, it's rigorous beyond the Cochrane collaborative.  I may or may not have had secret meetings with those secret important people who commissioned the 'Dean review' in the first place.

Great, now that's all sorted, training's going to be so much better, I am also particularly looking forward to my knighthood, Sir Dean, that really has a good ring to it.......